I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
