So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
