oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
