Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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