3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
