he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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