yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
