Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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