Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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