chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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