A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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