Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
