weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
