Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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