i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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