piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
