Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
