you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
