idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
