Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
