I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
