Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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