how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
