Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
