We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
