you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
