No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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