i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize