Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
