porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
