I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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