I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize