Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
