ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
