I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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