i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
