I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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