i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
