..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
