I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
