There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
