btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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