Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
