I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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