my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
