Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
