So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
