You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
