we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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