there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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