I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
