I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
