yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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