i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
