He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
