theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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