I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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