It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
