He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
