Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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